Friday March 18, 2005

Star Wars Poll

Over at Byzantium's Shores, Jaquandor has posted his answers to a long poll about Star Wars.  The quarter is over and I have some free time, so I figured I'd throw in my two cents.  Note that I've left blank some of the questions I don't have strong opinons about and, like Jaq, I've added a couple of questions at the end.

1. Best Star Wars moment:

From ESB: Luke walks up the stairs and ignites his lightsaber, Darth Vader does the same, and they cross blades.

2. Best Hero:

It's gotta be Han Solo, because he's the coolest guy with the coolest ship.  I have to admit that I'm tempted to say Darth Vader—the more I think about it, the more impressed I am with his turning away from the Dark Side, killing the Emperor, saving his son, and winning the war—but I still get hung up on that whole mass murderer thing.

3. Best Villain:

Darth Vader.  No, I'm not contradicting myself.  He was all the way bad, as far as we knew, until RotJ.  I may change my answer to the Emperor after Revenge of the Sith, though.

4. Best Alien / Creature:

Chewbacca.  So good you probably didn't think of him as an alien.

5. Best Minor Character:

Wedge, by a mile.  The only guy who fought at the first Death Star, the Battle of Hoth, and the second Death Star

6. Best line of dialogue:

"I find your lack of faith disturbing."  Man, I've been to that meeting.

7. Sexiest character:

Padme.  Natalie Portman is so pretty it's distracting.

8. Best costume:

C-3PO.  Tony Daniels is certainly a huge part of why he's a believable character, but that costume really does plausibly look like a robot.  I remember being startled as a kid when I read that there was a guy inside—it didn't seem like there'd be enough room, what with all the wires and stuff.

9. Best haircut:

Lobot.

10. Best innuendo:

No opinion.  I don't remember there being much innuendo in the movies.

11. Best Lightsabre:

Either Luke's original from Star Wars (which I guess was Anakin's too) or Count Dooku's, because he uses an orthopedic grip.  (Although I prefer a cut-down German Visconti, myself.)

12. Best Gun:

No strong opinion.  I don't recall ever thinking, "Wow, that's a nice gun!" at any point.

13. Best Fight:

Luke vs. Vader in ESB—well choreographed, interesting location, beautiful lighting, and chock full of plot points.  (The Maul vs. Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan and Dooku vs. Yoda fights were the runners-up.)

14. Best Vehicle:

Might as well retire this question, because the answer is the Millennium Falcon.  Like Jaquandor, I've always wanted a nice die-cast Falcon to put on my desk.  They do sell one, but it's foolishly expensive.  (Oh, and there's two n's in "millennium", guys.)

15. Best Title:

You know, that's a really hard question.  If you think about them, they're all pretty terrible.  "Star Wars"?  How many wars are we talking about?

Maybe "Revenge of the Sith", in fact.

16. Best Toy:

No opinion.

17. Best Spoof / Spinoff:

No opinion, except that Spaceballs was the worst.

18. Best Game:

Hmm.  I have fond memories of X-Wing—the first computer I ever bought for myself was tailored to play that game.  486/66 r0x0rz!

19. Best use of, "I have a bad feeling about this."

No opinion.

20. Best use of the Force:

Any time someone uses it to grab a lightsaber from across the room.

21. Best Poster:

The Hildebrandt Star Wars poster.  Cheesy but classic.

22. Best Trailer:

I hate to say it, but The Phantom Menace.  Man, that movie was going to be awesome....

23. Best Death:

The Emperor.  He seemed like just a scrawny old guy, but when Vader threw him down that pit, he blowed up real good!

24. Best Entrance:

Vader coming through the hatch into the Tantive IV.

25. Best Chase Sequence:

TIE fighters chasing the Millennium Falcon through the asteroids in ESB.

26. Best Action Set Piece:

Fighting off the TIE fighters with the Falcon's turrets in Star Wars.  It's the editing that launched a thousand imitations.

27. Best musical cue:

Hands down, the beginning of "The Imperial March" (a.k.a. Vader's Theme).  You know, the nine notes you hum when you want to imply that somebody or something is evil.

28. Best sound effect:

That's hard, so I have three: lightsaber ignition, Chewbacca's voice, and the howling sound TIE fighters make when they fly by.

29. Best visual effect:

I'm still impressed every time I see the Millennium Falcon back out of the Death Star's hangar bay, tilt, spin around, and zoom away.

30. Best expanded universe character:

I'm going to go old-school here: Bollux, from the Brian Daley Han Solo novels.

31. Best Gag:

That wheezing sound the Falcon makes as it fails to jump into hyperspace...again.

32. Best Planet:

No opinion.

33. Best Special Edition Tweak:

The shot of the Falcon taking off from Mos Eisley.  It didn't interrupt or tweak the story, I wasn't expecting it, it looked great, and it replaced a really lame effect (or possibly no effect at all?).

34. Best Film:

The Empire Strikes Back.  Oh, did you mean "Best Star Wars film"?  Same answer.

35. Worst scene:

Three words:  Midi.  Fucking.  Chlorians.

36. Honorable mention Worst Scene:

Anything with Ewoks or Jar-Jar.

(and now, my additional questions)

37. Worst Special Edition Tweak:

The lightsabers in Star Wars.  The original effect was flawed, no doubt about it, and the scene where Vader's saber was uncolored looked dumb.  Then they did the Special Editions and inexplicably didn't fix it.  Odd choice, but whatever.  Then the DVDs come out, and:

  1. They've redone some but not all of the lightsaber scenes, so now there's not a consistent look to them through the whole movie, and
  2. Luke's saber is now three different colors in different scenes: blue, white, and green.  Dude, he builds the green saber in Jedi.  Do you know how fired you are?

38. Best Jedi name:

From the old Marvel comic book: Don-Wan Kihotay, the crazy old man who thinks he's a Jedi.  I totally didn't get the joke until about fifteen years later—I hadn't read Cervantes when I first read the comic, then I didn't think about the character for a long time, until one day it clicked and I went, "Hey!!!"  Excellent slow-fused joke.

39: Best passage from an EU novel:

From Han Solo at Stars' End, by Brian Daley (1979), page 16:

The starship's raving engines carved a line of blue fire across infinity.  Han engaged the hyperdrive.  Stars seemed to fall away in all directions as the ship outraced sluggard Light.  The Millennium Falcon's main drive boomed, and she disappeared as if she'd never been there.

I especially like "carved a line of blue fire across infinity" and "outraced sluggard Light".

I am The Tensor, and I approve this post.
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Comments

Not much innuendo? I think you've been viewing the films with an insufficiently dirty mind. I'd vote for:

—I'd sooner kiss a Wookiee.
—I can arrange that.

Posted by: Q. Pheevr at Mar 20, 2005 9:34:57 AM

I considered mentioning the scene in AotC where Anakin is frolicking with a Nabooian inflato-cow while Padme looks on laughing, but figured it was too kinky.

Of course, there's that Darth Vader/Boba Fett/"as you wish" business, too.

Posted by: The Tensor at Mar 20, 2005 1:30:23 PM

Oh, come on! Spaceballs is the BEST Star Wars spoofs, in fact, it's one of the spoofs ever, exactly because it's so cheesy. Mel Brooks was so shooting for that, it's his style. And I'm told there's a boatload of jokes we Gentiles are missing out on.

Posted by: agm at Mar 22, 2005 12:15:25 PM

The Star Wars ASCIImation is the best spinoff/spoof.

Not in the running for best, but of interest to fans of odd languages, my voice is featured in this lego-animated spoof, from the Klingon point of view.

Posted by: Qov at Mar 22, 2005 1:29:53 PM

Ok, I'll play.

1. Best Star Wars moment:

Damn, what did I say during lunch yesterday...


2. Best Hero:

Han Solo, of course. Luke spends too much time whining, and Obi Wan lets his apprentice turn into a rebellious little snot.


3. Best Villain:

Darth Vader. He's got the James Earl Jones thing working for him.

4. Best Alien / Creature:

Chewbacca. Totally.

5. Best Minor Character:

Greedo, because he was just so funny looking.

6. Best line of dialogue:

Almost anything said by Han Solo to Princess Leia.

7. Sexiest character:

Young Obi Wan. Hello Ewan McGregor!

8. Best costume:

Princess Leia's slave girl outfit. Hey, it looks like a belly dance costume, what can I say?

9. Best haircut:

Hair *cut* or hair *style*? Because, again, I have to go with Leia's hair in the slave girl scene. The buns were too dorky, and Amidala's hair is just way too cumbersome.

10. Best innuendo:

I'm sure it was some snarky thing Han said to Lando. (Nobody said it had to be *sexual* innuendo.)

11. Best Lightsabre:

The double ended one Darth Maul had.

12. Best Gun:

Whatever.

13. Best Fight:

Ok, technically not the best, but I'm going for Obi Wan vs. Darth Vader. You just don't expect the good guy to die, and when he did, damn.

But the one in Clones with all of the Jedi fighting the bad guys was retty awesome.

14. Best Vehicle:

I always liked the landspeeder, mostly becuase I could actually imagine having one and how cool that would be.

15. Best Title:

Star Wars. Persod. End of sentence. None of this "Episode 4" crap.

16. Best Toy:

The tie fighter that had the pop-off wings.

17. Best Spoof / Spinoff:

Well, there was the time Mark Hamill guest hosted the Muppet Show...

18. Best Game:

Playing "swinging across the gap" on the monkey bars with Doug in first grade. Oh, wait, did you mean a video game?

19. Best use of, "I have a bad feeling about this."

20. Best use of the Force:

"These aren't the droids you're looking for."

21. Best Poster:

Don't care.

22. Best Trailer:

Revenge of the Sith, for sure.

23. Best Death:

Obi Wan. OR, the entire village of Tuskin Raiders that Anakin slaughtered. (Take your pick.)

24. Best Entrance:

Uh...


32. Best Planet:

The Ewok planet, as it's the only one that seems liek a decent place to live.

33. Best Special Edition Tweak:

Therre are none. All Special Edition tweaks are blasphemy.

34. Best Film:

The Empire Strikes Back.

35. Worst scene:

Anything with Jar Jar Binks.

36. Honorable mention Worst Scene:

Anything with little Anakin.

39: Best passage from an EU novel:

How much of a geek do you think I am?

Posted by: Terminal Student at Mar 24, 2005 11:27:53 AM

Han shot first...

Greedo 5|_|x0rz!

Posted by: Jon at Feb 21, 2006 8:07:21 AM

No one's posted in a while, huh?

1. Best Star Wars moment:

All the duel scenes!


2. Best Hero:

Obi-wan


3. Best Villain:

Darth Maul

4. Best Alien / Creature:

Ackbar

5. Best Minor Character:

Plo koon, has a cool mask

6. WORST line of dialogue:

"Ooohh! Icky-icky goo!!"
--Jar Jar Binks

7. Sexiest character:

Padme

8. WORST costumes:

Amidala's wardrobe

9. WORST haircut:

Leia's cinnamin-bun-thing, and amidala's

10. Best innuendo:

?

11. Best Lightsabre:

The double ended one Darth Maul had.

12. Best Gun:

?

13. Best Fight:

Maul vs. Obi-wan

14. Best Vehicle:

Zam's airspeeder

15. Best Title:

I don't have a problem with "Ep. IV" instead of STAR WARS

16. Best Toy:

?

17. Best Spoof / Spinoff:

Robot Chicken STAR WARS Special

18. Best Game:

KotOR

19. Best use of, "I have a bad feeling about this."

?
20. Best use of the Force:

Yoda, throwing Sidious across the room

21. Best Poster:

?

22. Best Trailer:

Revenge of the Sith, for sure.

23. Best Death:

Sidious

24. Best Entrance:

?

32. Best Planet:

I'd pick Alderaan, but it god blown up. I'll say Coruscant.

33. Best Special Edition Tweak:

huh?

34. Best Film:

AotC

35. Worst scene:

Anything with Jar Jar Binks (or Boss Nass).

36. Honorable mention Worst Scene:

Anything with little Anakin.

39: Best passage from an EU novel:

Sure....

Posted by: C Teng at Mar 5, 2008 3:03:54 PM

1. Best Star Wars moment:

At the time, as a seven year old: the legendary first shot of the Star Destroyer.

In retrospect: Ben Kenobi being all diplomatic, conciliatory and jocular with Ponda Baba, and then when that doesn't work, in a split second going from that to stopping the fight by SEVERING THE GUY'S ARM! The way he looks in that moment - "Yeah, I'm just an old guy. And I could kill every single one of you by waving my finger so sit the F**K DOWN and drink your drinks..." - is awesome.

2. Best Hero:

Han. No discussion required, surely.

3. Best Villain:

Darth Maul. Practically two-dimensional, a whirling, grimacing ball of deadly-competent hate. Ideal kids' movie villain, and looks fantastic. Face-painters the world over groan when approached by a kid bearing a picture of him...

4. Best Alien / Creature:

Tauntauns. I want one.

5. Best Minor Character:

Watto. That thing can *act*, and justifies Lucas's faith in CGI characters far more than the cartoonish Binks.

6. Best line of dialogue:

No contest. If required to recite a line of dialogue from the films, simply hold a bottle next to your mouth and intone: "The Force is with you, young Skywalker... but you are not a Jedi yet." Authority, confidence, menace and threat, and in a single sentence incorporates three of the most Star Wars-ish words (Force, Skywalker, Jedi).

Then again, I'm always a fan of "Close the blast doors! .... Open the blast doors!"

7. Sexiest character:

Uh... sorry, but I was distracted by thoughts of Carrie Fisher in the metal bikini. Predictable, yes, but come on, that really is just entirely too sexy for words, and in a kids movie too.

8. Best costume:

See point 7.

9. Best haircut:

Yoda. Looks like he once tried a combover but failed.

10. Best innuendo:

Can't think of one. Was there any?

11. Best Lightsabre:

Again, Darth Maul for my inner eight-year-old. Plus the moment in the trailer where that second blade extended was one of the great "WHAAAAT?" moments of 1999.

12. Best Gun:

Chewie's bowcaster.

13. Best Fight:

Maul vs. Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan. No contest. *Two* Jedi at the top of their game and this guy takes them both on and only loses because of narrative demand. He clearly kicked Obi-wan's ass bad and his sudden loss of any defensive ability jarred a bit. Single finest shot in SW fight scene though - JUST before the final forcefield opens, Obi-wan bouncing on the balls of his feet, ITCHING to get at Maul. You can practically feel the energy coming off the screen.

14. Best Vehicle:

Who doesn't say the Falcon? Fools, only.

15. Best Title:

Revenge of the Sith.

16. Best Toy:

Original Kenner Boba Fett.

17. Best Spoof / Spinoff:

Essence of the Force. Spectacular stunts, excellent direction, great costumes, good choreography, and all of it in the service of a single weak pun. You've gotta love that.

18. Best Game:

Difficult one. Until relatively recently, no contest - the original vector graphics cabinet game, complete with speech from the movie.

Nowadays - Lego Star Wars. Wonderful stuff.

19. Best use of, "I have a bad feeling about this."

From sitcom "Spaced".

20. Best use of the Force:

Vader's force choke, as in "I find your lack of faith disturbing..."

21. Best Poster:

The Hildebrandt.

22. Best Trailer:

Phantom Menace. Probably the most exciting thing I saw that year. Shame about the movie.

23. Best Death:

Jabba. Visceral, closeup and unpleasant. And in a kids' movie!

24. Best Entrance:

Vader onto the Tantive IV. In fact, probably the best entrance in all of cinema.

25. Best Chase Sequence:

Speeder bikes on Endor.

26. Best Action Set Piece:

Gotta be the battle of Hoth.

27. Best musical cue:

Again, for me no contest - Duel of the Fates. "Pom pom poppadom, pom pom poppadum", John Williams' best work ever. The strings, the horns, the chorus of voices, it's giving me goosebumps just thinking about it.

28. Best sound effect:

I can't improve on the three you mentioned, although I'd have them in a different order:
1. Lightsaber ignition
2. TIE fighter flyby
3. Chewie speech.

29. Best visual effect:

Snowspeeders. Love'em.

30. Best expanded universe character:

I don't do EU, although I do remember Bollux, or rather "Pollux" as he was known in the British edition, "bollocks" being English slang for testicles.

31. Best Gag:

"Close the blast doors!....... Open the blast doors!"

32. Best Planet:

Tatooine.

33. Best Special Edition Tweak:

Moving Dewbacks.

34. Best Film:

ESB. Not really a debatable point, I would have thought.

35. Worst scene:

"Are you an angel?"

36. Honorable mention Worst Scene:

Anything with Jar Jar.

37. Worst Special Edition Tweak:

Again, not something I would have thought would be contested: Greedo did NOT fire first.

38. Best Jedi name:

Ki-Adi Mundi. Because I always picture him as a cute arboreal mammal kind of like a raccoon. (Coatimundi)

39: Best passage from an EU novel:

Don't do EU.

Posted by: Simon Blake at Mar 20, 2008 7:27:42 AM

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