Saturday October 29, 2005
If you've been waiting for the Next Great Sci-Fi Adventure Novel, you're in luck. It's already been written, and by a fictional character to boot. TV news personality "Stephen Colbert" (as opposed to comedian Stephen Colbert) is posting excerpts from his "self-published, currently undistributed" novel Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure on the website for The Colbert Report. The first few paragraphs from chapter 26, "Abraxxia's Gambit", are truly exceptional. More please!
Our only other taste of Tek Jansen so far came when Colbert read an excerpt from chapter 6 ("Dreadscape Unleashed") the other night on the Report (video here). I've transcribed it for your pleasure:
Diving to my right, I activated my holoshield. The dark rider lowered his plasmiator rifle. "Of course!" I thought, "The plasmiator rifle takes 6.3 seconds to recharge. Now's my chance!" I flung my starsword at him, neatly severing his head. The beautiful Argona turned to me.
"You have killed him," she breathed, her full, elvish lips opening slightly as they met my own.
I think I feel some fanfic coming on, but I'm not sure I can do justice to Colbert's high style. 15 words between the severed head and the slightly opened lips? That's efficient storytelling.
Note for the linguistically inclined: in the name of The Colbert Report, the 't' in Report, like the 't' in Colbert, is silent. That makes it classy.
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Ah yes, the silent -t is very classy. Sadly, it's not the way the rest of the family pronounces their name (I've known Stephen's brother all my life).
So they say Colbert like "cole-burt"? How disappointing.
Still, it sounds like I'm only three degrees of separation away from The Man. Do you think you could get Stephen's brother to convince him to sign my copy of Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure...you know, after it comes out?
Posted by: The Tensor at Oct 30, 2005 6:32:08 PM
I know, sorry to rain on your parade! Will try to make up for it by getting the Tek Jansen adventure autographed for you, though. ;-)
Hey, I was sad too, see--> :'( (If you tilt your head to the left, it looks like a tear is coming out of my face.) I guess I'll take a signed copy too. Heh.
Posted by: mike at Dec 6, 2005 8:27:41 PM
He pronounces it that way because it's French, bitch.
Posted by: joeyjoejoe at Dec 30, 2005 7:24:29 AM