Tenser, said the Tensor

This I Believe #25

For squeadlies, mash on the trembalo.  For meadlies, tone up on your chord surpassers.

This I Believe #24

Where there's a whip, there's a way.

This I Believe #23

...that if I were a doctor, every time one of my colleagues suggested a patient might have lupus, I would say, "Whoa!  Slow down, Dr. Van Helsing—those symptoms are certainly unusual, but I hardly think the patient is a werewolf!"

And it would never get old.

(This might be why I'm not a doctor.)

This I Believe #22

...that the upcoming fourth season of Battlestar Galactica should open with Starbuck and Apollo, clad in black leather, traveling the highways and byways of America.

On transforming, flying motorcycles.

Come on, Moore, you wuss.  You know you want to.  You know it's the right thing to do.  You could be responsible for the most epic, the most appalling shark-jump ever.  Your name would echo down the corridors of television history!  Do it for the children!

All this has happened before.  All this will happen again.

This I Believe #21

...that when borrowing words into English, especially when their number is unclear and they tend to get used as mass nouns, you should invent singular forms for them as if they followed the high-prestige Latin pattern, regardless of their actual language of origin.  Examples:

(First declension)  The warrior class of ancient Japan were the samurai.  Each samura traditionally carried two swords.

(Second declension masculine)  When my wife dances, she wears decorative bindi.  Sometimes, during a performance, the glue comes loose and she loses a bindus.

(Second declension neuter)  Often for dessert at a Middle Eastern restaurant I will order a plate of baklava.  Generally it comes on a plate containing several pieces, so that each person at the table can have their own baklavum.

If you want to go the extra mile, you can even back-form an irregular third declension singular, as in:

I recommend the tempura. When eating it, be sure to dip every individual tempus in the special sauce provided.  (Extra bonus: round trip Romance-language borrowing!)

Finally, if you're really feeling ambitious, you can even do Latin-style number concord:

Traditionally, an order of nigiri sushi consists of two pieces.  Each nigirus sushus is a ball of rice with fish or some other food laid on top.

This I Believe #20

Demolition of the work ethic takes us to the Age of the Primitive!

[Update: at 1:36.]

This I Believe #19

All is quiet.

Nothing changes.

This I Believe #18

"One: cut a hole in a box" is the new "Phase three: profit!"

This I Believe #17

When in doubt...throw them into space.

This I Believe #16

The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.  Crime does not pay!